The Behooving Moving Manfesto

I need everyone’s help to add to these dot points via the comments button below, before I submit our manifesto to Prime Minister Abbot

We do not oppose cars, only their presence on roads. We demand bollards and speed humps be used to shred the presence of cars on our roads by 90% by 2011, and 99% by 2012.

Those who continue to drive will be vilified in publicly funded advertisements.

From hereon we expect roads be called "cycleways". There will be no "roads" as formerly known, only cycleways with the occasional motor powered ambulance or fire engine

Police from now on will cycle

We demand continuous roofs be built over our cycleways. For too long we have endured sunburn and rain!!!

As each car leaves the space where it is parked, we demand that space be immediately given to some more worthy purpose, until there is NOWHERE to park!

Pedestrians, learner cyclists and dogs must be corralled into wire fenced areas where they will not pose a hazard, and where the dogs can be more easily caught and made into fertilizer.

We expect to be worshiped.

We call for a federally funded shower and bike-locker building program of monumental proportions.

Our cycleways shall be kept in perfect condition and every inch will be vacuumed twice weekly. The smoothest and thus fasted surface treatments shall be employed to minimize rolling resistance.  

You will see from the above, that we don’t demand much, just a little respect we feel we’ve been missing. 


  1. Anonymous says:

    Entire skilled migration quota is to be filled by Italian lugged frame builders.

    Mandatory ‘Cargocycle for a Clunker’ campaign.

    Residential building code will require bike storgage rooms of minium dimensions in all new constructions.

    Instead of highways, something like this:


  2. thehonhamish says:

    Attractive girls in bikinis shall hand out energy drinks and protein bars every 3 kilometres.

    Gold statues of Dr. Behooving shall be constructed in every town.

    Elections to the Australian Senate shall be replaced with competitive cycling competitions.

    Stationary bikes with dynamos shall be placed in every gaol and prisoners compelled to cycle to power the national grid.

    Mens cosmetics lines and hair “product” shall be banned. From now on the only product permitted to be worn by men will be chain grease.

    History books shall be amended to reflect the truth: Europeans colonised world because their cycling equipment was superior.

    Canberra shall be renamed Campagnolo.

    All Australian flags shall be manufactured only of Lycra.

    Tasmania shall be renamed Cyclemania.

    Kangaroos and Emus shall be genetically modified to allow them to ride bicycles.

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