Try as you might to blend in, you will always look out place on a road bike. On the road, you’re the only one without a car. On the bike path, you’re resented for being a spoiler, and for not even having a bell. At the Melbourne Bikefest, you’re a non halal Maccas in Kuala Lumpur. But then you always were an outsider, hitting on your mates’ girlfriends at school, which is why you’re now a roadie. Have you ever thought though, why you wear pink?
The best known reason, is to be able to feel god almighty superior, because you know the heritage of the maglia rosa, while those plebs yelling abuse from their car would not know the italian meaning of “latte”. Pink is also fairly well known as the best hi-vis colour aside from tones that should only be worn by turkeys on birdys.
But have you realised that drivers will pass you more carefully, if you’re wearing pink? The mere chance that you might be an unusually broad shouldered girl, will temper their base inclinations, then by the time they realise you is a dude, it is too late: they have already missed you.
It is with all these facts clouding my mind that I have been choosing pink when buying new bike stuff of late, to the point where I’m even feeling drawn toward pink bar tape and socks. Fearing this could all go too far, I’m seeking the support of the cycling fraternity, for rules governing the wearing of pink, and propose: one piece on practical grounds; one piece hidden from view; and one piece as a symbol. Three pieces max. That would allow for my new day-glow bag cover (practical), merino pink boxers (hidden), and my new splashed-with-musk helmet (symbolic). I guess the obvious rule, is pink should only be worn when using a road bike with drop bars, and nothing in the way of luggage carrying capacity attached to the frame.