Truth Exposed: Bicycle Chic NOT a product of Denmark!!!

The Danes as we know are all thieving rascals, especially when it comes to purloining from our Motherland England. Starting with the whole idea of white skin, then speaking English, they moved on to thieving the idea of a royal family, going so far recently as to steal a British subject, our Mary, as their princess. The culprit behind their latest skulduggery is one Mikael Colvil Andersen, who would have us believe Brussels, the capitol of Copenhagen, is the birthplace of what he calls Cycle Chic. Well poo poo to that, I’m afraid.

Women: the pawns in this battle.

Cycle Chic, whether in Copenhagen or Pyongyang, is practiced today as it was in the 50s and 60s by England’s Sloan Rangers. By the time The Official Sloan Ranger Handbook was published in 1982, the style’s every nuance and rite had been well bedded down, and this while Mikael Colville Andersen was still doing jumps on his PK Ripper from Julemand. It must be said too (and I’ll be lumbered with holocaust deniers for letting this out), that the percentage of trips by bike in Denmark in 1982, was a flat 0. Unlike all kinds of unmentionable porn, riding a bike was illegal!

From The Official Sloan Ranger Handbook:

[Cycling] is a point of conversation at parties—comparing routes or horror stories with other cyclists or explianing to non-cyclists why you aren’t scared. The reason why you aren’t is similar to why Sloans shouldn’t be scared out hunting. It’s outdoors; you love the feel of wind in your face, the element of risk and the superiority. […]
You always bike in the same gear you wear in the office […]
You’re not very hot on safety gear and helmets and goggles are for fanatics. […]
Sloan women always have large wheeled old bicycles (no idea which make) with huge wicker baskets in front. Top of the class are sit up and beg […] bikes. […] You never have drop handlebars or more than three speeds. The bike is usually dirty, beginning to rust and in need of an oil.

In fact nothing a Cycle Chic blogger has said about clothes, steely daring, equipment, or how to be, cannot be found right there in black and white in The Official Sloan Ranger Handbook. With thanks to The Hon. Hamish for loaning me his precious copy, personally signed by Kate Middleton. Disclaimer: some or all of the above might not be true.

3 Comments

  1. Anonymous says:

    Jump

    Man, I was good at jumping that bike. Neighbourhood champion three weeks in a row.

  2. Anonymous says:

    Gone Angling

    Seeing as how the Angles (and Saxons) were from the glorious Land of Yute, methinks m’lord doth protest too much.

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