Some Sunday mornings I change from my pyjamas into tight lycra and gaze for a moment at some blank patch of wall. “Dr. Behooving, why do you do this?” I ask myself. And why have I done this for twenty years now and dream of being able to do it for at least 20 more? But then I see photos like these, taken of me winning a sprint finish yesterday (for 2nd place overall) and I can’t imagine my life without a weekly racing and training regime.
Above are Cycling Australia officials currently following a bright star over my house. “Are you Mr. Steven?” they will ask when they get here. “I know, you’ve come to declare me as national road racing champion from 1993 until now,” I will say, and add, “such a shame about O’Grady and Evans, and all of A-grade being on goey.” (Please refer to recent press stories in Australia exposing all elite athletes as drug taking, match fixing cheats). But never mind all of that. Don’t you find it strange, how these Cycling Australia officials dress like they’re looking for the next Dalai Lama.
In anticipation of my anointment as the bodhisattva of Australian road racing, I am already bathing myself in fragrant oils. My dear Primrose, you see, is embarking on a career change. Rather than wasting her time saving lives in intensive care wards, she will be dedicating herself to advancing our species through the provision of more alluring perfumes. One is a unisex fragrance that rather ambitiously aims to capture a day in the saddle in Tassie. She tells me there are 12 “notes” in this brew ranging from Tasmanian boronia to the essential oil of espresso, the latter to remind us of the real smell we crave as we ride between small country towns. There is a note in this fragrance to recall just about every smell of Tasmania that you might know as a cyclist, except for the roadkill—thank god.
So if you thought embrocation creams and dress shirts with rear pockets were making cycling too consumerist and effete, brace yourself for yet another frontier. If my Primrose has any say in the matter, you will all soon be asking for cycle specific all-natural men’s fragrances in your Christmas stockings. Here is her blog, with links to her Facebook page and her soon to be launched on-line store. Show your appreciation for my selfless blogging by ordering some samples, and making us rich.