For four months now, I’ve seen the monthly number of hits to this blog reach not quite 5000. For a man who has always been able to rely on his looks, who employs his words for the amusement of none but himself, I must say, that number is rather plump, and I should be happy. And I would be happy, but for this fact: virtually no other sites link to mine.
No my little coconuts, nobody surfs to this blog. As I learned from one reader recently, they might google "Le Corbusier/bicycle," and drift here that way. Or they might come once, via google, to read a Velorbis review, then never have cause to return. For most of you though, it will be a case of popping in once in a while, hoping to find something as nourishing to you intellectually as the post that originally moved you to bookmark my page. And in the first place you would have learned of me by recommendation, or better still, by mistake.
And like me, I can only presume you are a free thinker, not one who does their thinking along tribal lines. The cycle chic tribe all think to the same tune, and naturally provide links on their sites to each others blogs, so they can post comments like: "Dotty, you adorable creature, where did you get those new snow tires?" The tribe who are united by their brief time in Holland, and dissatisfaction with their non-Holland home, link up to chant back and forth about helmets twisting your head off. Greenies link to Greenies, car-haters to car-haters, keepers of training diaries to keepers of training diaries, etc.. As someone who could turn and bite anyone, I quickly lose any reader who thought I was one of their tribe; explains why I’ve been linked to by cycle chic blogs, then later removed.
Bike Snob is like me, but unlike me, insofar as he keeps regular readers satiated with a steady stream of hilarity. But Eben Weiss, let’s be brutally honest here, has an unfortunate face. Growing up he would have learned to rely on his personality, to be funny to attract girls. I could always afford to let my personality change like the wind. They loved me no matter what words came out of my mouth. "Girls are dumb." "Ha ha, oh you’re so funny Master Behooving."
So I’ve decided to use some cheap tricks, to make April the month when I break that 5000 hit threshold. The person who writes a comment below, with a verifiable account of something they have done to make more sites point to mine, will be sent their choice of: Velorbis leather coat guards (free postage anywhere in the world); a dozen Co2 cartridges (free postage anywhere in Australia); or a 4 year old ginger cat, de-sexed and vaccinated, answers to "Mango", or "here pus" or anything said in falsetto (pick up only on that one).