Promote my blog and win a cat

For four months now, I’ve seen the monthly number of hits to this blog reach not quite 5000. For a man who has always been able to rely on his looks, who employs his words for the amusement of none but himself, I must say, that number is rather plump, and I should be happy. And I would be happy, but for this fact: virtually no other sites link to mine.

No my little coconuts, nobody surfs to this blog. As I learned from one reader recently, they might google "Le Corbusier/bicycle," and drift here that way. Or they might come once, via google, to read a Velorbis review, then never have cause to return. For most of you though, it will be a case of popping in once in a while, hoping to find something as nourishing to you intellectually as the post that originally moved you to bookmark my page. And in the first place you would have learned of me by recommendation, or better still, by mistake. 

And like me, I can only presume you are a free thinker, not one who does their thinking along tribal lines. The cycle chic tribe all think to the same tune, and naturally provide links on their sites to each others blogs, so they can post comments like: "Dotty, you adorable creature, where did you get those new snow tires?" The tribe who are united by their brief time in Holland, and dissatisfaction with their non-Holland home, link up to chant back and forth about helmets twisting your head off. Greenies link to Greenies, car-haters to car-haters, keepers of training diaries to keepers of training diaries, etc.. As someone who could turn and bite anyone, I quickly lose any reader who thought I was one of their tribe; explains why I’ve been linked to by cycle chic blogs, then later removed.
  
Bike Snob is like me, but unlike me, insofar as he keeps regular readers satiated with a steady stream of hilarity. But Eben Weiss, let’s be brutally honest here, has an unfortunate face. Growing up he would have learned to rely on his personality, to be funny to attract girls. I could always afford to let my personality change like the wind. They loved me no matter what words came out of my mouth. "Girls are dumb." "Ha ha, oh you’re so funny Master Behooving."
 
So I’ve decided to use some cheap tricks, to make April the month when I break that 5000 hit threshold. The person who writes a comment below, with a verifiable account of something they have done to make more sites point to mine, will be sent their choice of: Velorbis leather coat guards (free postage anywhere in the world); a dozen Co2 cartridges (free postage anywhere in Australia); or a 4 year old ginger cat, de-sexed and vaccinated, answers to "Mango", or "here pus" or anything said in falsetto (pick up only on that one).

18 Comments

  1. Anonymous says:

    meany cowzeanie.

    your a meanie cowzeanie you idiot daddy and he is our cat and you are mean you are mean you are mean you are mean I hate you you cant sell mango we love him stop being mean to mango if he could see this he would bite your head off and that would hurt so dont be mean you cowzeanie poo brain mean

    MEAN MEAN MEAN MEAN COWZEANIE COWZEANIE COWZEANIE!!!!!!!!
    dont be mean to fango dango he never did anything to you you meanie hes never done anything mean πŸ™ πŸ™ dont be mean because he will get you back >:( mmmmmmmmmeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaaannnnnnnnnnn

    • Steven says:

      Re: meany cowzeanie.

      son, I am sorry, I judged from the litter tray that you never empty, that you did not want to keep him. But as things stand, I have given my word to the world that anyone out there can have Mango in return for their efforts leading more readers to my fine blog. May I suggest you do the same, and win your cat fair and square. Um, but steering readers here from Nintendo blogs, or skateboard trick youtube channels won’t count. You will need to familiarise yourself with cycling related web sites as well.
      Good luck mate!! Know know I’m always behind you πŸ™‚

  2. Anonymous says:

    Blogs

    Hi there, I will take the cat. It will be allowed to watch TV with me and it can treat the house as its own. There is plenty of native wildlife in the surrounding bushland to make sure it doesn’t go hungry and to keep its instincts well honed.

    See below my blog that I spent tens of minutes creating just so I can land the cat.

    http://www.squidoo.com/cycling-blogs

    Alternatively, I will settle for a decent lead-out and words of encouragement to get my considerable bulk over the big hills at the next Calga race.

    • Steven says:

      Re: Blogs

      things are not looking good for the cat. I can promise a lead out, and words of encouragement, but history has shown me to be the cattiest of cats during races, despite all noble intentions. I am more likely to give the lead out on the hill, and words of encouragement from behind while you’re in the headwind approaching the line. Will that be much use?

  3. Anonymous says:

    Here’s pointing at you, kid.

    My blog, ArchiTakes.com, now links to your site. Not that this will bring you any more traffic, because I get so little of my own. No, this is not an April Fool’s joke, and please don’t send me a cat. You’re clearly the lost love child of my voluble Aussie girlfriend and my Banham-quoting archi-blogging self. Who met cycling, btw, so there’s your linkage and lineage both.

  4. Anonymous says:

    I detest cats

    I really hate cats.

    • Steven says:

      Re: I detest cats

      you can’t be so general. That’s like saying you hate white anglo males: some of us are ok. And this cat is pretty good. Lives on dried fish meal. Too fat to hunt birds, and anyway lives inside the house. I accept what Mao Si Tung said about pets being bourgeois luxuries, but think you should give this particular cat a bit more of a chance.

  5. Steven says:

    who should be the winner?

    since we have a few (2) contenders for the award, I will invite readers’ comments about who should win.

  6. Steven says:

    Re: pick me pick me

    I can assure you, whoever you are, that I have no handsome brother in laws.
    The shopping trolley idea is one I have heard mooted before, though by an American who threatened to sue me if I ever mentioned this, or any of his precious ideas. So thank you, I can now air it, and credit the idea to you β€” perhaps shift your assets into my sister’s name, ready.
    Indeed cyclists buy oxygen canisters to load in cats’ bums. How did you know this obscure fact?

    • Re: pick me pick me

      Oxygen canisters or CO 2 canisters???

      Do they reduce the potency of a cat’s wind???

    • Steven says:

      Re: pick me pick me

      Roberto, you know, they are those thingies that pump up your tires. That’s all I know really. Have you ever had anyone tell you they inflated their tires with helium? Sounds like a myth

  7. Anonymous says:

    Link

    Dr Behooving,
    I have had a subtle link to your site on my blog (bikeadelaide.blogspot.com) for some time. I do not know how much good it will do you though. For your 5000 hits a month, I get significantly fewer.
    Edward

    • Steven says:

      Re: Link

      And a treasured link it is too, Dr. Edwardo. You did not say if you would prefer the coat guards, cartridges or the pus (though I must warn, there are other contenders)?
      I see you have picked up that dutch youtube clip explaining their cycle paths at intersections. I have a week there next month, riding around, and am already terrified I might just ride straight through with the cars, as has been my habit since I was 12 πŸ™‚
      You’re right though, it isn’t rocket science. Let it not be said traffic engineers are lazy, just copying Holland, and not inventing crack-pot solutions all of their own, and using our sculls to test them.

    • Anonymous says:

      Re: Link

      While I would not necessarily describe myself as a “leather man”, the coat guards would be my preferred choice. As for the cartridges, they would likely sit idle and being an owner of two dogs, I could not promise the cat would have a happy home.

    • Steven says:

      Re: Link

      Thank you, I’ve had one pitch for the cartridges, and now one for the coat guard. If I were a more generous man, I would announce two winners. My son has just started year 6 ethics classes. I might put this dilemma to him.
      The key points, as I see them. Ed from Adelaide has faithfully linked to my blog for a long time. However, he didn’t actually do anything new, as a result of my plea for help getting more hits.
      My anonymous racing companion, by contrast, went to the trouble of starting a whole new cycling blog, ranking my blog #1 about big snob and fat cyclist. However, on closer inspection, it would appear he has simply left the blog idle since then.
      I must say, I am leaning toward culturecycle, a new blogger, but one who promises to be around into the future. She added a link to me, it would seem by the dates, in response to my plea. Her interest in crochet means she might also expose my blog to female readers, an audience I don’t believe I have reached ever.
      Quinby my son, what do you think? At this point I would like you to remain impartial, and forget one of these candidates has his eye on your cat.

  8. Steven says:

    Re: Link

    I always took you to be such a gentleman Ed! Now I just have to get my sorry bum down to the post office to mail off these cartridges.

  9. Steven says:

    Winner announced

    Thank you all for your lovely support (even if some of you did needed bribing). Much to the relief of my boys, I can confirm 12 Co2 cartridges were dispatched today to Culturecycle01, worlds leading blogger at the nexus of bicycling and crochet. Already I can feel the female energy in the room, moderating our boy talk. Yes, girls talk about bikes as well, it would seem!
    Culturecycle01, I wish you 12 flats in quick succession. Think about me as you’re saving your arm muscles.

  10. Anonymous says:

    credit rachat de credit

    J’aime vraiment votre article. J’ai essaye de trouver de nombreux en ligne et trouver le v?tre pour Γͺtre la meilleure de toutes.

    Mon francais n’est pas tres bon, je suis de l’Allemagne.

    Mon blog:
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