Ah, Saturday, when a man can relax, and think about racing and sex—let problems of bike access to buildings sort themselves out, during the week. In last night’s race I broke away with a champion schoolboy triathlete, who has been struggling to convert his fitness into road racing wins. With another young rider, we put a mile into the bunch, and claimed the three places. Ah, the mentoring role. It takes some sting out of ageing.
Which leads me to the topic of sex, and this story from the world’s #2 bike transport nation, Denmark, involving a princess exported from cycling’s worst nation, Australia, and a dignitary from cycling’s #3 nation, Finland.
We have long known there is a connection between deviance, and rates of bike transport. Holland leases space to Hungarian lassies, where they can sell themselves to Iranian bucks, and has the world’s highest rates of bike transport. In 1969 Denmark legalised the production of pornography, and has the world’s second highest rates of bike transport. Germany and Sweden (bike nations 4 and 5) are known far more for depravity than cars or cheap furniture. But what of Finland? It was a lack of filth to pin on the world’s 3rd leading bike transport nation, that, until now, was stopping me publicly declaring any connection, between cycling and being a pervert.
Thank you so much, Mr husband of Finland’s president, for enabling me to now stake my professional reputation, as an academic, on the following claim: that between rates of bike transport and rates of dirty mindedness, there is a direct correlation. Thus, the above graph would hold true for either.
Finland’s president’s husband, like myself, would have done a few miles in the saddle, and over the years have raised his testosterone to levels, that lead to internal dialogues many of us could relate to: “I am the husband of my nation’s president. She needs me to be upright, to be re-elected. There are cameras watching. But that is breast tissue!”
Ah, breast tissue. Tissue of the breast. Rare flesh one must take every opportunity to behold and adore, because we shall be dead long enough. My apologies to non bike riding readers, who may not understand.