It’s the weekend!

Ah, Saturday, when a man can relax, and think about racing and sex—let problems of bike access to buildings sort themselves out, during the week. In last night’s race I broke away with a champion schoolboy triathlete, who has been struggling to convert his fitness into road racing wins. With another young rider, we put a mile into the bunch, and claimed the three places. Ah, the mentoring role. It takes some sting out of ageing.

Which leads me to the topic of sex, and this story from the world’s #2 bike transport nation, Denmark, involving a princess exported from cycling’s worst nation, Australia, and a dignitary from  cycling’s #3 nation, Finland.

httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gqdzm5l8zZ0

We have long known there is a connection between deviance, and rates of bike transport. Holland leases space to Hungarian lassies, where they can sell themselves to Iranian bucks, and has the world’s highest rates of bike transport. In 1969 Denmark legalised the production of pornography, and has the world’s second highest rates of bike transport. Germany and Sweden (bike nations 4 and 5) are known far more for depravity than cars or cheap furniture. But what of Finland? It was a lack of filth to pin on the world’s 3rd leading bike transport nation, that, until now, was stopping me publicly declaring any connection, between cycling and being a pervert.

Nations ranked according to cycling and ogling

Thank you so much, Mr husband of Finland’s president, for enabling me to now stake my professional reputation, as an academic, on the following claim: that between rates of bike transport and rates of dirty mindedness, there is a direct correlation. Thus, the above graph would hold true for either.

Finland’s president’s husband, like myself, would have done a few miles in the saddle, and over the years have raised his testosterone to levels, that lead to internal dialogues many of us could relate to: “I am the husband of my nation’s president. She needs me to be upright, to be re-elected. There are cameras watching. But that is breast tissue!”

Ah, breast tissue. Tissue of the breast. Rare flesh one must take every opportunity to behold and adore, because we shall be dead long enough. My apologies to non bike riding readers, who may not understand.

3 Comments

  1. Luke says:

    Belgium is 6th. Not sure on their rate of deviance, but they are heavily into chocolate, beer and chips. Surely evidence of depravity?

  2. Lukas says:

    I don’t know about the dutch, although my brother-in-law is in fact exactly that, hence I do not want to think about his desires too much.
    With the Danes however, as much as I fully agree with the sentiment of the perverts, the ‘100% luxury goods tax’ on cars registered for private use may have something to do with high popularity of the bicycles?
    And their ‘free sexual tribe vibe’ may be linked to the mind numbing nature of the mono-cultural welfare monarchy? So, having the freedom to root with collegues at the oel, aquavit & gammel-dansk fuelled christmas party (allegedly),and then ride the pushy home through the sludge, against the wind, may be somehow a way at getting some tax back by means of collecting parenting allowances, and the first and second activity are not connected by their eroticly geared minds but by their social welfare system?
    Look, this may sound a little mean spirited, but it’s not meant to be. I love the Danes! Danmark har the beste been!

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