Commuting via the underworld

A reader, who I shall call Mr Do-Bee, today showed me the route he takes, on his mountain bike, each day to work. He came to this city from Montreal, a decade ago, and has taught himself every off-road route in three council areas. He can go from anywhere, to anywhere else, and never touch bitumen, unless it’s simply to cross a road.

I’m not sure how my neck and kneecap will be tomorrow morning. I’ve fallen off three times, just trying to keep up with ol’ Mr Do-Bee, who is the fastest descender I’ve ever accompanied on a mountain bike ride. Actually, without me to wait for at the bottom, he would have no use at all for his brakes. He commutes with a laptop and clean clothes in his bag, in a manner best kept secret from his life insurer, laptop insurer, and probably his wife and his children. We’ve been through creeks, down washed out gullies, through culverts that cut beneath freeways, and somehow popped out on a hill overlooking another city. In the mind of Mr Do-Bee, The Great North Walk, The Glenrock mountain bike trails, and obscure tracks behind fence lines otherwise only used by folk walking dogs, are part of a labyrinthine network of secret passageways, allowing him to treat the world we’re living in, here in the light, as though he’s of an underworld, and has the power to disappear and pop up anywhere else. As a mostly on-road rider, I feel like a spoilt prince who has only ever been shown the carpeted rooms of his palace, until some mad French-Canadian came and showed me how this city works behind the fake walls. His mind contains what I would call a highly developed, and radical, cycle-space map of this city.

56 Comments

  1. Anonymous says:

    Mr. Do Bee

    You have finally seen the real Steve. He is an extension of
    his bike. Jana

    • Steven says:

      Re: Mr. Do Bee

      Ah, Mrs Do-Bee, so glad you come drop by make comment this honourable forum. Mr Do-Bee indeed one cwazy muvafucka going downhill on bicycle!

    • Steven says:

      Re: Mr. Do Bee

      Ah, Mrs Do-Bee, so glad you come drop by make comment this honourable forum. Mr Do-Bee indeed one cwazy muvafucka going downhill on bicycle!

    • Steven says:

      Re: Mr. Do Bee

      Ah, Mrs Do-Bee, so glad you come drop by make comment this honourable forum. Mr Do-Bee indeed one cwazy muvafucka going downhill on bicycle!

    • Steven says:

      Re: Mr. Do Bee

      Ah, Mrs Do-Bee, so glad you come drop by make comment this honourable forum. Mr Do-Bee indeed one cwazy muvafucka going downhill on bicycle!

    • Steven says:

      Re: Mr. Do Bee

      Ah, Mrs Do-Bee, so glad you come drop by make comment this honourable forum. Mr Do-Bee indeed one cwazy muvafucka going downhill on bicycle!

    • Steven says:

      Re: Mr. Do Bee

      Ah, Mrs Do-Bee, so glad you come drop by make comment this honourable forum. Mr Do-Bee indeed one cwazy muvafucka going downhill on bicycle!

    • Steven says:

      Re: Mr. Do Bee

      Ah, Mrs Do-Bee, so glad you come drop by make comment this honourable forum. Mr Do-Bee indeed one cwazy muvafucka going downhill on bicycle!

    • Steven says:

      Re: Mr. Do Bee

      Ah, Mrs Do-Bee, so glad you come drop by make comment this honourable forum. Mr Do-Bee indeed one cwazy muvafucka going downhill on bicycle!

    • Steven says:

      Re: Mr. Do Bee

      Ah, Mrs Do-Bee, so glad you come drop by make comment this honourable forum. Mr Do-Bee indeed one cwazy muvafucka going downhill on bicycle!

    • Steven says:

      Re: Mr. Do Bee

      Ah, Mrs Do-Bee, so glad you come drop by make comment this honourable forum. Mr Do-Bee indeed one cwazy muvafucka going downhill on bicycle!

    • Steven says:

      Re: Mr. Do Bee

      Ah, Mrs Do-Bee, so glad you come drop by make comment this honourable forum. Mr Do-Bee indeed one cwazy muvafucka going downhill on bicycle!

    • Steven says:

      Re: Mr. Do Bee

      Ah, Mrs Do-Bee, so glad you come drop by make comment this honourable forum. Mr Do-Bee indeed one cwazy muvafucka going downhill on bicycle!

    • Steven says:

      Re: Mr. Do Bee

      Ah, Mrs Do-Bee, so glad you come drop by make comment this honourable forum. Mr Do-Bee indeed one cwazy muvafucka going downhill on bicycle!

    • Steven says:

      Re: Mr. Do Bee

      Ah, Mrs Do-Bee, so glad you come drop by make comment this honourable forum. Mr Do-Bee indeed one cwazy muvafucka going downhill on bicycle!

    • Steven says:

      Re: Mr. Do Bee

      Ah, Mrs Do-Bee, so glad you come drop by make comment this honourable forum. Mr Do-Bee indeed one cwazy muvafucka going downhill on bicycle!

    • Steven says:

      Re: Mr. Do Bee

      Ah, Mrs Do-Bee, so glad you come drop by make comment this honourable forum. Mr Do-Bee indeed one cwazy muvafucka going downhill on bicycle!

    • Steven says:

      Re: Mr. Do Bee

      Ah, Mrs Do-Bee, so glad you come drop by make comment this honourable forum. Mr Do-Bee indeed one cwazy muvafucka going downhill on bicycle!

    • Steven says:

      Re: Mr. Do Bee

      Ah, Mrs Do-Bee, so glad you come drop by make comment this honourable forum. Mr Do-Bee indeed one cwazy muvafucka going downhill on bicycle!

    • Steven says:

      Re: Mr. Do Bee

      Ah, Mrs Do-Bee, so glad you come drop by make comment this honourable forum. Mr Do-Bee indeed one cwazy muvafucka going downhill on bicycle!

    • Steven says:

      Re: Mr. Do Bee

      Ah, Mrs Do-Bee, so glad you come drop by make comment this honourable forum. Mr Do-Bee indeed one cwazy muvafucka going downhill on bicycle!

    • Steven says:

      Re: Mr. Do Bee

      Ah, Mrs Do-Bee, so glad you come drop by make comment this honourable forum. Mr Do-Bee indeed one cwazy muvafucka going downhill on bicycle!

    • Steven says:

      Re: Mr. Do Bee

      Ah, Mrs Do-Bee, so glad you come drop by make comment this honourable forum. Mr Do-Bee indeed one cwazy muvafucka going downhill on bicycle!

    • Steven says:

      Re: Mr. Do Bee

      Ah, Mrs Do-Bee, so glad you come drop by make comment this honourable forum. Mr Do-Bee indeed one cwazy muvafucka going downhill on bicycle!

    • Steven says:

      Re: Mr. Do Bee

      Ah, Mrs Do-Bee, so glad you come drop by make comment this honourable forum. Mr Do-Bee indeed one cwazy muvafucka going downhill on bicycle!

    • Steven says:

      Re: Mr. Do Bee

      Ah, Mrs Do-Bee, so glad you come drop by make comment this honourable forum. Mr Do-Bee indeed one cwazy muvafucka going downhill on bicycle!

    • Steven says:

      Re: Mr. Do Bee

      Ah, Mrs Do-Bee, so glad you come drop by make comment this honourable forum. Mr Do-Bee indeed one cwazy muvafucka going downhill on bicycle!

    • Steven says:

      Re: Mr. Do Bee

      Ah, Mrs Do-Bee, so glad you come drop by make comment this honourable forum. Mr Do-Bee indeed one cwazy muvafucka going downhill on bicycle!

    • Steven says:

      Re: Mr. Do Bee

      Ah, Mrs Do-Bee, so glad you come drop by make comment this honourable forum. Mr Do-Bee indeed one cwazy muvafucka going downhill on bicycle!

  2. Anonymous says:

    Mr. Do Bee

    You have finally seen the real Steve. He is an extension of
    his bike. Jana

  3. Anonymous says:

    Mr. Do Bee

    You have finally seen the real Steve. He is an extension of
    his bike. Jana

  4. Anonymous says:

    Mr. Do Bee

    You have finally seen the real Steve. He is an extension of
    his bike. Jana

  5. Anonymous says:

    Mr. Do Bee

    You have finally seen the real Steve. He is an extension of
    his bike. Jana

  6. Anonymous says:

    Mr. Do Bee

    You have finally seen the real Steve. He is an extension of
    his bike. Jana

  7. Anonymous says:

    Mr. Do Bee

    You have finally seen the real Steve. He is an extension of
    his bike. Jana

  8. Anonymous says:

    Mr. Do Bee

    You have finally seen the real Steve. He is an extension of
    his bike. Jana

  9. Anonymous says:

    Mr. Do Bee

    You have finally seen the real Steve. He is an extension of
    his bike. Jana

  10. Anonymous says:

    Mr. Do Bee

    You have finally seen the real Steve. He is an extension of
    his bike. Jana

  11. Anonymous says:

    Mr. Do Bee

    You have finally seen the real Steve. He is an extension of
    his bike. Jana

  12. Anonymous says:

    Mr. Do Bee

    You have finally seen the real Steve. He is an extension of
    his bike. Jana

  13. Anonymous says:

    Mr. Do Bee

    You have finally seen the real Steve. He is an extension of
    his bike. Jana

  14. Anonymous says:

    Mr. Do Bee

    You have finally seen the real Steve. He is an extension of
    his bike. Jana

  15. Anonymous says:

    Mr. Do Bee

    You have finally seen the real Steve. He is an extension of
    his bike. Jana

  16. Anonymous says:

    Mr. Do Bee

    You have finally seen the real Steve. He is an extension of
    his bike. Jana

  17. Anonymous says:

    Mr. Do Bee

    You have finally seen the real Steve. He is an extension of
    his bike. Jana

  18. Anonymous says:

    Mr. Do Bee

    You have finally seen the real Steve. He is an extension of
    his bike. Jana

  19. Anonymous says:

    Mr. Do Bee

    You have finally seen the real Steve. He is an extension of
    his bike. Jana

  20. Anonymous says:

    Mr. Do Bee

    You have finally seen the real Steve. He is an extension of
    his bike. Jana

  21. Anonymous says:

    Mr. Do Bee

    You have finally seen the real Steve. He is an extension of
    his bike. Jana

  22. Anonymous says:

    Mr. Do Bee

    You have finally seen the real Steve. He is an extension of
    his bike. Jana

  23. Anonymous says:

    Mr. Do Bee

    You have finally seen the real Steve. He is an extension of
    his bike. Jana

  24. Anonymous says:

    Mr. Do Bee

    You have finally seen the real Steve. He is an extension of
    his bike. Jana

  25. Anonymous says:

    Mr. Do Bee

    You have finally seen the real Steve. He is an extension of
    his bike. Jana

  26. Anonymous says:

    Mr. Do Bee

    You have finally seen the real Steve. He is an extension of
    his bike. Jana

  27. Anonymous says:

    Mr. Do Bee

    You have finally seen the real Steve. He is an extension of
    his bike. Jana

  28. Anonymous says:

    Mr. Do Bee

    You have finally seen the real Steve. He is an extension of
    his bike. Jana

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