Dr. Behooving’s Christmas Shopping Guide

LADIES FOR MEN

Men are not hard to buy for. You just have to know how we think. We think about cycling, looking good though our clothes need a wash, and smelling good though we need a wash. Here are all the gift ideas you will need.

Anyone who is into bike racing, gets hit with their annual licence renewal right around Christmas. So here is an idea: open this page, call your hubby in and ask him for his Cycling Australia membership number.

Believe it or not, my wife, a well known perfumer on the all-naturals scene, developed a fragrance for me. Unfortunately, the all-natural ingredients are so expensive and in such high concentrations, she will not even give me a bottle. My only chance of that happening, is if lots of ladies read this and buy some for their fellas. My wife might just thank me with a bottle all for myself. (Off the record, girls, some of you may be thinking of this as a gift for the man who is not mean to be in your life. I’m sure erlithe has discrete billing options—paypal perhaps?).

The stocking filler! This cap! Cheap. Funky. Handmade in Australia. It has a big brim for wearing backwards and keeping the sun off your neck during Summer.

If you’re not on their mailing lists, go to Cafe du Cycliste, Rapha and Outlier right now so you can sign up to learn of their flash sales in the run up to Christmas. Hot items of late are T-shirts, dress-shirts and training ride jerseys all in Summer weight merino. They stay looking new about ten times longer than cotton, don’t smell when we travel, and don’t leave us with sweat mark down our backs or under our arms. Also, shorts and long pants from these stores look fantastic and last a hundred times longer when rubbed against saddles.

(Just as an aside, aren’t the French genius! Perfume. Shirts that don’t stink when they’re dirty. While the English waste eons in their laundries and baths.)

Gifts that say: “piss off, I don’t love you at all,” include beer, bike parts or accessories (let’s face it, you will get it wrong), or anything that is in any way good for the kids.

MEN FOR THE LADIES

I’m looking at these for my Primrose.

First, this cape, to be kept in my bag, not hers. Suggesting to a woman that she  ought to takes something with her in case it rains, is as good as cancelling every outdoor activity until one of you dies. It is better to lie and say you checked on the web and that it’s going to be sunny, then, when you’re caught in the rain, you get to be the bearer of good news again when you whip of her fashionable cape that you packed especially for her, the one you always think about first.

Guys, when your lassies are looking at Rapha, Cafe du Cycliste and Outlier for presents for you, you know very well they’ll be looking at things for themselves. Thinking time pal! And in case you don’t know, nothing turns a woman on more than a tape measure in the hands of a man in the lead up to Christmas. Have a great Sunday! (Here’s inspiration for that).

I do suggest you buy her one of my wife’s perfumes—you know, my wife, whose arse you were checking out if you clicked on the previous link. Well, she’s a perfumer. Email me with details about the fragrances your own lass likes to wear, and as a special service to you as a reader, I will coach you in refining her tastes. Or if you want to just take a punt, this is the one the smart chicks all go for: Tasmanian Boronia and Orange Blossom. Being married to a perfumer, I have become something of an armchair expert on this, spending way too much time in perfume boutiques during my European and US travels for work. Trust me, that 030 stuff is right up there.

Gifts that say, “piss off, I don’t love you at all,” include anything she has seen in the shops, gift vouchers, and ploys to get her to cycle on terms that suit you.

Remember, Christmas is the time to manipulate those with the reigns on your sex life and who can limit the time you spend cycling. Give Christmas the attention you know it deserves. Sharing this link on twitter and facebook will help toward peace and good times for your buddies as well.

2 Comments

  1. Vicki says:

    I covet that rain cape. I think I’ll buy it for my husband, then I can “borrow” it.

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