Bikes are like breast milk (and other casualties of Modernity)

Aren’t bikes like breast milk! I mean, crooks like Nestlé had us fooled infant formula had to be better. And aren’t bikes like those cast iron frying pans, that you get for ten bucks from the camp shop, but which outlast expensive crap covered in teflon! Aren’t bikes like your own teeth: do you know, it was common in the 1950s, to have kids’ real teeth pulled out, and replaced with dentures?! Dentures were “modern”.

Aren’t bikes so much better than cars! The denser the city, the faster they go. You can ride your bike from your bedroom all the way to your work desk. You can pull one apart then remake it, just for the heck. 

So I’ll admit, bikes aren’t exactly like breast milk. The pleasures of cycling go with you, into adulthood. Whereas, among adults, breast milk is a pleasure reserved for but a handful, of the most persuasive, new fathers.


  1. Mr. S. says:

    I have a similar post, though I took a different tact, much as I like breasts, and have had a small taste of the human stuff: rather rich. Bikes appear in my post too, though not breasts – you win!

  2. Steven says:

    I just read your post. Great stuff! Must get you here as a guest writer, when we relaunch cycle-space later this year, in an online magazine format, with my silly blog pushed off to one side. I thought you were going to head down the old diamond frame = Platonic Form line of thinking (it has been disputed by Reyner Banham), but no, you were heralding steel. Living near the beach, as I do (disgustingly rich, I’m afraid) I must say, I like titanium better (fingers crossed, no re-welding jobs, so far). Then, if I were being nostalgic, I would opt for Reynolds tubing over Columbus, that you have pictured. Columbus is all a bit “new Australian”, as we say here, or “Continental”, as you might say in the Motherland, or “Mafia” as they say in the US. Don’t you think?

    • Mr.S. says:

      Keep me informed on your plans for this blog, please.

      Back to steel: I would never say no to titanium, if you’re paying! Talking different grades of steel gets scholastic pretty quickly. In the end, so long as it isn’t ‘gas-pipe’, it’s all pretty nice to ride. Aesthetic differences? ‘In the eye of the beholder’, but no less important for that.

  3. Don says:

    Breast milk I can take or leave. A bit rich as Mr.S. states.

    One of my bikes is like Guinness, however..

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