After helmet hair, there was the quiff

Long term readers of Behooving Moving know how concerned we are here with our hair. I refer you to our manifesto of the many sucked mango, as evidence of an ongoing engagement with this issue. Cycling, we know, tolerates but a limited range of nice hairdos. 

After 9 weeks abroad, often cycling with neither a hat or a helmet, and almost two weeks lodging amidst the cool cats in New York’s meat packing district, I have decided to wear my hair from now on in a French Quiff. The renaissance of cycling naturally arrives at the quiff, as the renaissance in Italy naturally arrived at the pilaster. Ask Alberti: nothing solves the problem of applying a columnar treatment to a palazzo so well as the flat, yet articulated pilaster, be that of the Ionic, Doric, Corinthian, Tuscan or Composite order. Ask us here at Behooving Moving, and we will tell you nothing solves the problem of windswept hair, a receding hairline, the need to look more like Morrissey, and the difficulty we have attracting attention out there in the bike lane, now it has filled up, than the French Quiff, be it high, low, undercut, gelled or au naturale. At once practical, pointing in the direction nature would point hair for cyclists, and a natural intoxicant for women of breeding age, this style does take some beating.

Still need convincing? Please, just look at: hipster trends; how the members of Kraftwerk began wearing their hair slightly longer in front in 1983, the year they happen to have released Tour de France; and of course, Elvis. QED and no further witnesses.

Perhaps with a little advice from the more insightful Behooving reader, I might throw together a few things from my wardrobe, to get some looks going here. Lord knows, I’ll be spending so much on product now, that I really cannot be having ill-considered outfits lessening the impact of my quiff, when next I hit the Newcastle bike transit scene.

6 Comments

  1. Anonymous says:

    You should investigate getting your do complied with Australian helmet standards.

    • Steven says:

      Indeed. And since their test—I believe—only measures the effect of top/frontal impacts, I could very well get this hairdo accredited. Then I can get an ASA sticker to wear on my scalp.

  2. Anonymous says:

    Oh to be so “quiffed”

    You are, without doubt, the tease of the follicularly challenged among the cycling world! How many of our age (and I say that advisedly as I am now, and will always remain, 39) could boast such a head of hair – let alone have the audacity to shave it off! More than that, unless L’Oreal is your friend, as it has been mine for many years, it appears that said hair is even the colour it was intended! Shame on you!
    Should you find your ears reject your new quiff, can I offer a delightful new “helmet hair beanie” designed to be worn under your helmet. Endorsement from one as follicular as yourself would ensure it an immediate place in cycling history!
    Enjoy discovering product!

    BTW – if you want to try a beanie, email me and I’ll send you one!

    • Steven says:

      Re: Oh to be so “quiffed”

      Are you kidding, I would LOVE a beanie, AND the accompanying philosophical treatise. I won’t review it as clothing, but art. Remember this one: http://www.zittel.org ?
      Mail care of school of architecture and the university of newcastle (in innocuous sealed packaging, please), if you have such to spare. Seriously, thanks a lot!

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